That Time I Was Sick On My Burfday And Acting Like A Brat…
It’s my birthday tomorrow. And I was supposed to go to Disneyland. But I’m sick (cold? earache? TMJ? who knows), and the happiest place on earth has been put on hold/I’m acting like the world has ended because of it. I did however make a pre-bday visit to the doctor yesterday (party animal!). Where I paid $6 for parking (that’s the price of two tank tops at the GAP who btw, has an extra 50% off their sale!), and I still feel awful…and minus $6.
And last night, while I was flat ironing my hair (for no reason whatsoever as I am sick!), I had a flashback. To the time before my grandparents passed away…and it was one of their birthdays. And how everyone went over after work/school on a weekday to their apt. (which was rent control(!) in Santa Monica near Montana Ave., before Montana was cool/trendy). Then I had another flashback, like they used to have on that show “Cold Case” (best show ever) when they would go back in time and explain what happened. To how excited everyone was to celebrate a birthday together with a simple fruit cake (the one with custard, not the holiday kind)…after work…on a weekday.
And I realized that I’m a selfish brat throwing a tantrum because I can’t go to Disneyland for my bday. And I also realized that the fruit cake I used to make fun of, and the birthday celebrations that I took for granted all those years were actually pretty awesome.
So, here’s to that custard fruit cake and simple birthday celebrations!!!
p.s. I have no idea who the lady in this photograph is, but that cake is awesome!
p.p.s. I’m pretty sure you are not supposed to start a sentence with the word “and”, but…I did. A lot. :p
I’m Grumpy, Yeah I’m Grumpy…
My throat hurts. My left ear/jaw hurt every time I clench my jaw. So I keep clenching my jaw to see if it hurts (um, yes/why?!). AND my birthday is in a few days (why?!) and even the potential of going to Disneyland is not cheering me up (I don’t even know who I am anymore).
I’ve got a case of the grumps and I’m lying here watching reruns of “Ladies of London” on Bravo. I want to be a Lady of London…I’ve got snazzy outfits(!)…I like polo(!)…and little teeny tiny Alice in Wonderland tea party hats(!). And one time, I bought four pairs of Hunter rain boots at $50 a pop (fashion brownie strikes again/I returned ‘em all, but still)!
Instead, I’m lying here in ugly pajamas with a case of the grumps. The Grumps, I tell you.
That Awkward Moment…
When you buy a pair of extra long floral pants without trying ‘em on (aka like a BOSS). Because you know things, fashion/sale/creative print combo things. And while waiting in line, you’re calm and collected on the outside, like you could care less that these awesome pants are on sale. But on the inside, you’re dancing a fast-paced Bachata, while visualizing some type of leopard/floral combo and giving yourself a Hi-5 (mid-Bachata) for finding the last pair of flower power pants in the store (for $25.99!).
Then you get home and try them on and…THIS. What.Is.This. Fancy rich lady pajamas meets Hammer-Time. No, no, no. Back to the store they go.
I Heart the American Flag…
I’m constantly having an inner-debate (and not just around the 4th of July) about the appropriateness of flag themed fashion and accessories. For example, I saw a flag towel at the store once that I really wanted, but it seemed inappropriate(?). Or flag print bathing suits…cute, but my conservative side says no, ma’am (and not just because I am out of shape and shouldn’t be wearing a bathing suit in the first pace).
But these flag glasses, I bought a pair last 4th of July that I lost (in the ocean) and I’ve spent the last year looking for them. And I finally found them again! Best 99 cents I ever spent. :)
You know those people that tell the same stories over and over (and over)? It turns out I’m one of them. June 30th was the last official day I went to work (after I was laid off and before the new fiscal year started the next day, hence the June 30th lay-off date).
I do a bizarre mental countdown every year and go into mourning, in the form of eating really bad things and/or buying things I can’t afford. It’s been so long, and yet I still can’t throw away that box of business cards sitting on my counter. What is wrong with me?!
I spent that last work day cleaning out my desk, and going to lunch in the cafe in the lobby with the Director of my department. I’m just realizing how bizarre that was, being laid off but going on a, “see you later, alligator/It’s not your fault, we just had massive budget-cuts” lunch. This was followed by the ritual, “goodbye everyone, keep in touch!” email I sent out (that received one reply from a woman that had recently started working there and I wish I had gotten to know better)…
So it’s June 30th, the last day I went to work…and I just ate a tub of guacamole and chips. :/
I’m Baffled (and so is Poodle Burt)…
The other day, Poodle Burt and I were waiting to get a price check (even though we have no money and no business being in a clothing store but it was extra 40% off and don’t judge me)…when I heard the cashier tell the woman paying, “this shirt is buy one get one free, would you like to grab another?”. And do you know what the lady who looked like me but chic and minus the pretend workout attire said? “No Thanks”…No Thanks?!
I’m baffled. What kind of person says, no thank you I don’t want a free t-shirt?! Is this something really rich people do?! People who really hate free things?! I mean, you could give it away to your friend! Or donate it! Or give it to the lady that stands on Wilshire Blvd. with a sign saying she has four kids and anything will help!
I don’t know how to process this and when I bumped into her in another part of the mall, I wanted to ask her the motivation behind it. But, I tend to scare women when I try to strike up a convo with them in public places (even if I’m accompanied by a 4lb. puppy). So, I guess I’ll never know. :/
P.S. Poodle Burt is sitting on all the things I bought (that I really can’t afford but it was all approx. $7 and don’t judge me). :P
That Awkward Moment…
When you remember you have a $25 gift card (from 2011)…
And you find the most beautimous Liberty London Vans (floral AND red, white & blue?!) for $29.97…
And you jump for joy (on the inside)…
And tell yourself they’ll only cost you $5 plus tax…
And they are the only pair in the store in your size (men’s 7 1/2!)…
Aaaaand they are for some random reason too big…
A Few Outtakes From Our Photo Shoot For Huntergathererla…
I’m always surprised when I have a clown-worthy amount of make-up on in real life, and it barely translates in photos. Meanwhile, Poodle Burt is a natural.
But First, a Donut…
I just googled ‘ostrich head in the sand’ because I wanted to upload a photo of said subject with this post. But apparently, the ostrich head/sand thing is a myth?!
Sometimes, I want to stick my whole head in the sand, especially when I do really embarrassing things (like right now). Things that would potentially be hilarious if I were in an SNL skit, but in my current life are mortifying. I do really mortifyingly embarrassing things…and then I obsess over them for days. And analyze. And obsess. Urg. I want to reenact the ‘ostrich head in the sand’ myth. But first, I want a donut. :/
Happy Mortifying Monday,
P.S. This Stan’s donut is the best donut in the whole world.
Friday Night, Pft
Current Mood: Blah + Meh + Arg + Is it time to put on my pj’s and go to sleep yet?
Current Location: Sitting on the floor in pretend workout attire.
Current Thoughts: “Is it tomorrow yet? Why am I sitting on the floor in pretend workout clothes? I wonder if they’ll buy the bag of out-of-style designer clothes I just shoved into a garbage bag tomorrow at the consignment store? What am I doing with my life?! What would happen if I booked a one-way ticket to anywhere with $0 in my pocket? I want cake”.
p.s. I miss this 1980s onesie I sold last week that looked like a dress and left a band mark around my belly. Pft.
Yes I Did…
I went to Burlington Coat Factory today and I am not ashamed. I used to drive by this store all the time and never even considered going in. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. If my sister found out, she would mentally point and laugh at me (she also thinks $6 is an acceptable price for a latte, so boo on her).
It’s not the most glamorous place. But I found a Mickey Mouse tank (for $7.99!), and anywhere that sells Mickey Mouse anything is alright by me.
My name is Fashion Brownie, and I went to Burlington Coat Factory today…and I enjoyed it. So did Poodle Burt (well, not really…but he did have a great nap!).
Fashion Brownie :)
p.s. click for larger images.